In order to sustain anarchy “we” will have to sustain functional families, and in order to sustain healthy families “we” have to know how to get a family in the first place. Linear time progression dictates that this starts with finding a spouse. I’ve seen women make four main mistakes when they were trying to obtain a husband: not stating your goals upfront, trying to duplicate gender roles, allowing themselves to be interviewed for too long, and falling out of the interview mindset. In my experience, most women start out looking for a family and either it is scared out of them by parents or they have given up by the time men get good and ready to act surprised that there are no good women left.
Dating is an interview process and it should be viewed as such. It doesn’t have to be a bland interview process, but it shouldn’t be treated as a good time with no end goal. You are interviewing the father of your future children. And you are completely responsible for the choice you make, unless you live in a country/culture where you are essentially sex trafficked to your “spouse.” So you should treat the interview process seriously. Yes, you should absolutely have a compatible personality and love the person who you pick for this role. People who are not fit to be the father of your children who you love and want to spend time with are called friends. Do not let anyone talk you out of this mindset if you are just starting out. If you are tired of it all, get back in this mindset.
People complain when job listings fail to effectively communicate the nature of the job, and rightfully so. State what you want upfront. People are not scared off by things that they want, only by things that they don’t want. The concept of someone being scared off by a thing that they want is disingenuous. Normal people are not “scared off” by a high salary, a steak dinner, hanging out with friends, or a movie they want to watch. Straight men who want to start a family are not “scared off” by women stating that their ultimate goal is to start a family. State your goals. Doing otherwise allows the other person to act on different premises without lying. There is absolutely no benefit to spending months or years interviewing for a job that doesn’t exist.
Interviews have an end goal and do not go on for years on end for their own sake. Whether or not you agree with me on how long interviewing someone for the position of father of your future children should take, there should be a timeline. If what you’re doing is not fulfilling the goal of deciding whether this person fits your needs, or letting them figure out whether you fit their needs, then you not vetting that person; you are wasting time. Moving in prior to marriage is both a cause of and symptom of interviewing people for entirely too long. People know that they are going to be interviewing their future spouse for entirely too long and they don’t want to be ALONE during that time, so they move in and live in an extended period of stasis where they can’t rely on their current position but can’t leave it without significant upheaval in their lives. Moving in together removes all incentives to actually sign onto the relationship, and so even in the most honest man will slow that process.
Since we have to live as men until we are hired to be women, it is difficult to not view our masculine traits as our value. Due to self ownership, men already have a man. If they are seeking out a “traditional” marriage they need a woman. It is neither possible nor safe to live exclusively feminine traits while still single, but those are the traits that we are trading and thus the traits that we should improve upon and promote.